Chapter 4: The Secret Lila Knew

When they got back to Maine, Lila and Jake started a new routine. Jake started coaching the high school debate team, and Lila started writing a column for the school newspaper, a column about family, about the way fear can destroy a family and the way love can fix it. Mia and Lisa were still part of their lives, and they spent every weekend at the beach, building sandcastles and collecting seashells. Lila thought she was finally free, free from the cycle, free from Eleanor’s ghost, free from the words that had haunted her for so long.
Then, a week before Lila’s 16th birthday, she got a text from an unknown number. It was a photo of a woman standing in front of a house, a woman with the same curly brown hair and the same bright green eyes as Lila. The text said, I’m your mom. I’ve been watching you for years. I’m sorry I left.
Lila’s stomach twisted. She’d spent 10 years thinking her mom was gone, that she’d never come back, but now she was alive, and she’d been watching her. She showed the text to Jake, and he sat down next to her, his face pale. “I had no idea,” he said. “I thought she was gone forever. I thought she’d never come back.”
That night, Jake called the number, and a woman answered, her voice shaky. It was Clara. She’d been living in California for the past 10 years, working as a graphic designer, and she’d found Lila’s column in the school newspaper, the one about family, and she’d known it was her daughter. She’d been too scared to reach out, too scared that Eleanor would find her, too scared that she’d ruin Lila’s life.
Lila flew to California the next weekend, and she stood in front of Clara’s small apartment, her hands shaking. When Clara opened the door, she ran into her mom’s arms, and Clara held her tight, crying. “I’m so sorry,” she said. “I should never have left you. I should never have let Eleanor scare me away.”
Lila spent the next two weeks in California, learning about Clara’s life, learning about the soap operas she’d acted in, learning about the friends she’d made. She learned that Clara had left because Eleanor had threatened to take Lila away from her, that she’d run away to protect her, that she’d spent every day since then thinking about her daughter. When Lila flew back to Maine, she had a plan. She was going to tell Jake that she wanted to meet Clara more often, that she wanted to build a relationship with her mom, that she wasn’t going to let the cycle destroy her family again.
But when she got home, Jake was waiting for her, and he had a folder in his hand. Inside the folder were police reports, old news clippings, and a single photo: a photo of Clara’s car, crashed into a tree on the side of the highway, the airbags deployed, the driver’s side window shattered. “I found these last night,” Jake said, his voice breaking. “Clara didn’t leave on her own. She died in a car crash. The police thought it was an accident, but I know what really happened. Eleanor found out where she was, and she made sure she never came back.”
Lila’s blood ran cold. She’d spent two weeks thinking her mom was alive, thinking she’d finally found her, but now she knew the truth. Clara was dead, and Eleanor had killed her. She thought about the letter, about the words The cycle doesn’t end with you, and she realized that Eleanor hadn’t been talking about Lila. She’d been talking about Jake, about the way he’d followed in her footsteps, about the way he’d been afraid to stand up for her.
She thought about the night the wine glass broke, about the way Jake had told her to say she was sorry, about the way he’d let Eleanor blame her for something she didn’t do. She thought about the cycle, about the way fear had been passed down from Eleanor to Clara to Jake, and she realized that she was the only one who could break it.
That night, she sat down at her desk and started writing a new column, a column about the truth, about the way fear can destroy a family and the way courage can fix it. She wrote about Eleanor, about the way she’d killed Clara, about the way she’d made Lila apologize for something she didn’t do. She wrote about Jake, about the way he’d been afraid to stand up for her, about the way he’d let the cycle continue. She wrote about herself, about the way she was going to break the cycle, about the way she was going to tell the truth, no matter what.
When she finished the column, she sent it to the school newspaper, and she posted it on her personal Facebook page, tagging every member of the Hawthorne family, including Tom. She didn’t care what anyone thought. She didn’t care about the family name, about the legacy, about the rules. She just cared about the truth, about Clara, about Jake, about herself.
The next morning, the school called Jake, and they told him that Lila’s column was being pulled from the paper, that it was too controversial. Jake sat down next to Lila, and he held her hand, and he said, “I’m sorry, kiddo. I should have protected you. I should have stood up to Eleanor.”
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Lila shook her head. “It’s not too late,” she said. “We can tell the police. We can tell them what really happened to Clara. We can break the cycle.”
Jake looked at her, and for the first time in years, he smiled. “You’re right,” he said. “We can break the cycle.”